Communication Guide for Resource Parents

Start here: your role as a resource parent

You are part of the team caring for this child. Every message you send works best when it starts from that place.

Keep these in mind in every conversation:

• The child comes first. Before you write, ask: what does this child need, and who can help with it?
• Reunification is usually the first goal. In most cases, the plan starts with helping the child return home safely. Supporting that plan, even when it is hard, is part of the job.
• You see what others don't. You know the child's daily life: sleep, school, moods, meals, wins. Your observations are valuable. Share them as facts: what you saw and heard, with dates.
• Everyone is busy. Caseworkers, attorneys, and providers carry heavy loads. Short, clear, specific messages get answered faster.
• Friendly and direct works. Be warm, say what you need, and respond promptly when someone reaches out.
• Write it down. Follow up on phone calls with a short email. A written record protects everyone, including the child.
• Protect the child's privacy. Share only what each person needs for their role. When unsure, ask your caseworker first.
• Support is close by. If you're unsure who to ask, start with your caseworker or your certifier.

The clear ask

Most requests stall because the reader can't tell what you need or by when. A clear ask has four parts.

1. State the need. One sentence. What is happening, and what does the child need?
2. Attach the documentation. Dates, notes, a provider's letter, a report card. Facts and dates carry the most weight.
3. Connect it to the child's plan. How does this support the child's safety, stability, health, or the case goal?
4. Request a specific action. Who should do what, and by when?

Template

Hi [Name],

[Child's first name] needs [the need]. Since [date], I've noticed [short factual summary]. I've attached [notes / letter / log].

This matters for [stability at school / health / visits / the case plan] because [one sentence].

Could you [specific action] by [date]? If someone else handles this, could you point me to them?

Thank you, [Your name] | [Phone]

Tips

• One ask per message. A single, focused request is more likely to get a complete answer.
• Ask "When can I expect to hear back?" if no timeline is given.
• No reply in a reasonable time? Send a short, friendly follow-up before going up the chain. See Escalating respectfully below.

Who's who

Titles vary by state, and one person can hold more than one role. When you meet someone new, ask: "What's your role in this case, and how do you prefer to be contacted?"

GAL vs. CASA vs. the child's attorney. A GAL is not a legal guardian and has no custody or authority over the child's daily life. A CASA volunteer usually serves one child or sibling group at a time. A child's attorney follows the child's wishes, while a CASA or GAL speaks to the child's best interests. These can differ, and that's normal.

Oregon note. Oregon law calls for the court to appoint a CASA in every dependency case, and for federal purposes a CASA is treated as the child's guardian ad litem. In practice, children often aren't assigned one. Ask your caseworker whether your child has a CASA and how to reach them. Oregon calls licensing workers "certifiers."

Working with each person

Each card covers what that person needs from you, how to reach them, and a sample message to adapt.

Caseworker

What they need from you: prompt updates on anything significant (health, school, behavior, injuries, visits), reports on time, and honest word when you're struggling.

Channel and timing: ask their preferred method at the first visit. Use email for anything you want on record. Call for anything urgent. Know who to call after hours.

Sample message:

Hi [Name], quick update on [Child's first name]. This week [short factual summary]. Nothing urgent, but I wanted you to have it before [visit / meeting / court]. Notes attached. Let me know if you need anything else from me.

Keep in mind: caseworkers change. When a new one is assigned, send a short introduction with your contact info and a one-paragraph summary of how the child is doing.

Certifier (licensing worker)

What they need from you: changes in your household (new adults, moves, health changes), training hours, and early notice when you need support or respite.

Channel and timing: email for anything that touches your certification. Share household changes as soon as they happen.

Sample message:

Hi [Name], I wanted to let you know [household change] as of [date]. Is there anything I need to submit or update? Thank you.

Keep in mind: your certifier supports you. The caseworker supports the child. If you're unsure who to ask, ask your certifier who handles it.

Child's attorney and CASA

What they need from you: how the child is really doing at home, at school, and after visits. They may ask to visit or talk with the child.

Channel and timing: ask your caseworker for their contact information if you don't have it. Reach out several days before a court date.

Sample message:

Hi [Name], I'm [Child's first name]'s resource parent. Before the hearing on [date], I wanted to share a short update: [2–3 factual sentences]. I've sent the same update to [caseworker's name]. Happy to answer any questions.

Keep in mind:

• Share the same information with the caseworker. Anything you send the child's attorney or CASA should also go to the caseworker, so everyone works from the same facts.
• Get court dates from your caseworker. They're the best source for hearing dates and details; see Going to Court as a Resource Parent.

School staff

What they need from you: who can sign forms, attend conferences, and pick up the child, plus anything affecting learning. Case history stays with the agency.

Channel and timing: introduce yourself to the teacher and front office at enrollment. Use email for anything about services or accommodations.

Sample message:

Hi [Teacher's name], I'm [Child's first name]'s caregiver. I'm the best contact for day-to-day questions, and [caseworker's name] at [agency] handles [records / consent decisions]. Please reach out anytime. I'd appreciate a heads-up if you notice changes in mood, focus, or friendships.

Keep in mind: ask your caseworker which school decisions you can make and which need the agency.

Medical and therapy providers

What they need from you: accurate history you know, current medications, symptoms you've observed, and who can consent to treatment.

Channel and timing: bring a short written list to appointments. Use the patient portal or office line for follow-ups.

Sample message:

Hi, I'm [Child's first name]'s caregiver. Since our last visit on [date], I've noticed [observations with dates]. Could we discuss this at the next appointment, or should we come in sooner?

Keep in mind: ask your caseworker who signs consent for treatment and medications. Share appointment outcomes with the caseworker.

Respite providers

What they need from you: routines, medications, allergies, behavior plans, emergency contacts, and what the child is and isn't allowed to do.

Channel and timing: send a written handoff before every stay. Call for a quick check-in on pickup.

Sample message:

Hi [Name], thanks for having [Child's first name] this weekend. Bedtime is [time], medication is [name, dose, time], and [one or two things that help]. My cell is [number], and the after-hours line is [number].

Keep in mind: check with your certifier or caseworker on how respite is approved and arranged where you live.

Court

Court has its own page: what to expect, how hearings work, and how to share information appropriately. Read Going to Court as a Resource Parent.

Communicating with the child's family

A respectful relationship with the child's birth parents and relatives can help the child feel safe and support the plan for going home. It can also feel uncertain, even scary, especially at the start. Go at the pace your caseworker sets.

Before any contact: ask your caseworker

Contact with the child's family goes through your caseworker first, every time the situation changes. Ask:

1. Is it okay for me to talk with them directly, or should everything go through you for now?
2. What can I share, and what should I keep private?
3. How should I handle it if they contact me directly?
4. Is there anything about the case I should know to keep the child and my family safe?

Sample message to your caseworker:

Hi [Name], [Birth parent's first name] asked at today's visit if we could exchange phone numbers. I didn't want to agree before checking with you. Is direct contact okay at this point? If so, is there anything I shouldn't share?

How contact often grows over time

Every case is different. Contact often moves through stages, with the caseworker's okay at each step:

1. Through the agency only. Updates and photos pass through the caseworker.
2. At visits and exchanges. Brief, friendly conversations at handoffs.
3. Direct contact. Texts or calls about the child, if approved.

It's fine to stay at a stage that feels right. If contact ever feels unsafe, it can move back.

What to share

• Good fits: how the child is doing day to day, school wins, favorite foods, milestones, photos (if approved), questions about the child's routines and preferences.
• Keep private unless your caseworker says otherwise: your home address, your workplace, your children's details, and case or court matters.
• Leave to the caseworker and court: questions about the birth parent's progress, the case, or other people involved.

Sample note to a birth parent (if approved):

Hi [Birth parent's first name], I wanted to share that [Child's first name] [small positive moment] this week. [He/She/They] talked about you and was excited for the visit on [day]. Is there anything you'd like me to know about how [he/she/they] likes [bedtime / hair / a favorite meal]?

Setting boundaries kindly

• Use a contact method you control. Some caregivers use a separate phone number or app for family contact.
• Check your social media privacy before contact begins.
• Keep messages about the child. If a conversation moves to the case, redirect: "That's a good question for [caseworker's name]. I just want to make sure [Child's first name] is doing well."

Oregon note. ODHS has Social Media Guidelines for foster parents and relative caregivers (CF 1085). Read them before posting any photo that includes the child. When in doubt, keep it private. Many caregivers keep the child's photos off social media entirely.

If something feels wrong

• Immediate danger: call 911.
• Threats, pressure, or messages that worry you: pause your replies, save the messages, and tell your caseworker the same day.
• Uncomfortable but not urgent: write down what happened, with the date, and ask your caseworker how to handle it.

Keep in mind: the child may hear how you talk about their family. Speaking respectfully about them, even when it's hard, helps the child.

Escalating respectfully

Most problems get solved at the first step. When they don't, moving up a level is a normal, respectful part of the process. Escalate one step at a time, and keep it about the child.

1. Follow up with the person directly. A short, friendly reminder with your original message attached. Allow a reasonable time to respond.
2. Ask what's in the way. "Is there something you need from me to move this forward?" or "Is there anything I can do to help?" Sometimes the holdup is a missing form or a decision above their level, and asking can solve it without going further.
3. Contact their supervisor. Ask your caseworker or certifier for their supervisor's name at the start of the placement, before you ever need it.
4. Ask about your agency's next level. Many agencies have a program manager, foster parent liaison, or support line. Ask your certifier what it is where you live.
5. Use the formal complaint process. Every state has one. It's a last resort, for repeated issues or concerns that can't be resolved locally.

Sample message to a supervisor:

Hi [Supervisor's name], I'm the resource parent for [Child's first name]. I've been working with [Name] on [issue] since [date] and haven't been able to resolve it. I've attached my messages. [Child's first name] needs [specific need] because [one sentence]. Could you help me find the next step? I've copied [Name] so we're all on the same page.

Keep in mind:

• Child safety comes first. If a child is in danger, call 911. If you suspect abuse or neglect, report it to your state's child abuse hotline. Resource parents are typically mandatory reporters.
• Facts, dates, and attachments. A calm message with documentation is taken seriously.
• Know your rights. Read your state's resource parent bill of rights before you need it.

Oregon note.

• Resource parent concerns: the Governor's Advocacy Office handles complaints from resource parents. Its contact information is printed on the Oregon Foster Parent Bill of Rights (CF 1019B): 800-442-5238 or gao.info@odhs.oregon.gov.
• Concerns about a child's care or rights: the Foster Care Ombuds independently investigates complaints for children in ODHS custody. Anyone can contact it, including resource parents.

Official resources

These link to the source documents rather than summarizing them, since rights and rules change.

Any state

• Child Welfare Information Gateway: federal clearinghouse with state manuals and family resources.
• National CASA/GAL Association: how CASA and GAL volunteers work.

Oregon

• ODHS guides and policy for resource parents, including the Resource Parent and Foster Children's Bills of Rights.
• Oregon Foster Parent Bill of Rights (CF 1019B, 06/2024).
• Foster Care Ombuds.
• ORS 419B.875: resource parents' right to notice and to be heard in court.
• Social Media Guidelines (CF 1085, 06/2024).

Related: Going to Court as a Resource Parent: what to expect at hearings and how to share information appropriately.

This guide is general information, not legal advice. Rules vary by state and by case. When in doubt, ask your caseworker or certifier.

Keeping track of appointments, notes, and updates for your team? ResourceCareConnect helps resource parents organize it in one place.